Felt like kissing a girl and finding out she tastes like forever🩸
the way you made the coffin a love story… i’m unwell. 😅
gothic, fevered. I LOVED the predator prey reversal, chef’s kiss, so clever🦇 the scenery you create is so lush and decadent while moving the story, making the hunger and intimacy alive.
Babe, I haven’t been able to get the line” The coffin held only one body, but the grave, the grave is infinite enough for two “ out of my head! I can’t quite figure out the exact feeling and why I’m obsessed with it ⚰️ It’s claustrophobia and expanse at the same time 💕✨✨✨
Wow, this completely swepped me away. It felt dreamlike, almost nightmarish in parts, drunk on opium in others. Your way with words is immaculate. Beautiful work.
Hello House Von, your work appears to be engaging and thoughtful. Thank for this uniqueness.
I might be wrong in my assertion or impression - having said that It is in those moments of silence - when we ask, “Why am I doing this, and for whom?” — that we see clearly that our true purpose was to live with passion fueled by empathy, not detached goals or fleeting excitement.
I'm really keen to learn more through your work as result I have just subscribed to your work. If you wish to know more about my work based on my decades experience and exposure across 5 continents - please feel free to subscribe for free at: salmizindagi.substack.com
Oh, wow. Oh wow, wow, wow, wow. This is amazing! The language you use, the imagery, the way you flow from one thing to the next in this seamless, dream-like way! It's masterful. Also, the rest of your page is beautiful. And using classical paintings to go along with your work is very clever!
WOW, thank YOU, what a gift to read this! ❤️ I’ve always felt poems and paintings speak together beautifully side by side, so I’m glad that you appreciated it🌸
I really appreciate the kind words Weronika! ❤️ Honestly, thank you for taking the time to read and leave this message. I find it incredibly helpful as a writer when readers post their favourite bits ❤️
AGGHH, what a compliment Elizabeth! ''lush and hypnotic and rich like grave dirt''❤️❤️❤️🥲 Thank you, I'm hoping it's something people come back to and find more meaning each time they do 🖤
I really loved the imagery and storytelling of this poem - gorgeous! If you are open to a bit of feedback, I think it would be even more powerful if you had used some kind of meter - probably iambic would be best - to give the lines more rhythm and weight. We listen to poems as much as we read / visualise them. If we take the first line: "We were not born. We began." - A very slight tweak, "We were not born. But we began" gives it a sudden music and emphasis that strikes the mind as pleasing, and also makes it more pacy. However, I'm aware that not all poets or readers enjoy traditional techniques, so it may simply be my personal preference. It just struck me that the poem would be enhanced even further! Great work either way. Keep it up!
Thank you so much, Joseph! I really appreciate the care in this feedback. ❤️ I tend to lean toward a fractured rhythm because I want the language to feel unsettling, I guess here I was experimenting with the sensation and panic of being buried alive and trying to replicate that in the rhythm. Can't say I managed to achieve this, but I tried 😂🖤 But I do like what you pointed out, it has me curious about experimenting with meter in future pieces. 🥰
The effects of the broken rhythm are really palpable. Definitely claustrophobic! It's so cool and ambitious you went for such a mimetic effect. I'd LOVE to see you experiment with meter in future though! Amazing work and thanks so much for replying too!
Ahhhh Coral!! This comment made my cheeks hurt🖤 sapphic gothic vampire love will always have my heart...endless, decadent, feral. I love knowing the atmosphere speaks to you every time. Thank you for always being here for it. ❤️❤️🥲
Felt like kissing a girl and finding out she tastes like forever🩸
the way you made the coffin a love story… i’m unwell. 😅
gothic, fevered. I LOVED the predator prey reversal, chef’s kiss, so clever🦇 the scenery you create is so lush and decadent while moving the story, making the hunger and intimacy alive.
it’s my favourite to date 💕💕💕
This honestly made my day 🖤 baaah, thank you for feeling the hunger and the reversal, that’s literally all I wanted. 🥲
Babe, I haven’t been able to get the line” The coffin held only one body, but the grave, the grave is infinite enough for two “ out of my head! I can’t quite figure out the exact feeling and why I’m obsessed with it ⚰️ It’s claustrophobia and expanse at the same time 💕✨✨✨
Wow, this completely swepped me away. It felt dreamlike, almost nightmarish in parts, drunk on opium in others. Your way with words is immaculate. Beautiful work.
Wow! Such beautiful words, thank you! Deeply appreciated 🖤
Hello House Von, your work appears to be engaging and thoughtful. Thank for this uniqueness.
I might be wrong in my assertion or impression - having said that It is in those moments of silence - when we ask, “Why am I doing this, and for whom?” — that we see clearly that our true purpose was to live with passion fueled by empathy, not detached goals or fleeting excitement.
I'm really keen to learn more through your work as result I have just subscribed to your work. If you wish to know more about my work based on my decades experience and exposure across 5 continents - please feel free to subscribe for free at: salmizindagi.substack.com
Thanks
Truly excellent.
Thank you! I’m really happy you enjoyed it! 🖤
Oh, wow. Oh wow, wow, wow, wow. This is amazing! The language you use, the imagery, the way you flow from one thing to the next in this seamless, dream-like way! It's masterful. Also, the rest of your page is beautiful. And using classical paintings to go along with your work is very clever!
WOW, thank YOU, what a gift to read this! ❤️ I’ve always felt poems and paintings speak together beautifully side by side, so I’m glad that you appreciated it🌸
loved it
Thank you 🖤
WOW. this feels like a beautiful fairytale. so many passages of this i absolutely adore, some of them must be:
"I was prey, yes,
but as her hunger deepened,
I felt her waver."
"We lay in eternity,
yet eternity lay in us.
A thousand winters curled in the hollow of her tongue."
"We chose a table,
black walnut, polished by prayers.
Our knives were thin as swan bones."
I really appreciate the kind words Weronika! ❤️ Honestly, thank you for taking the time to read and leave this message. I find it incredibly helpful as a writer when readers post their favourite bits ❤️
Love love love the imagery
Thank you for appreciating 🖤
Your work always leaves me breathless, it’s lush and hypnotic and rich like grave dirt. This absolutely invites multiple reads 😮💨💕
AGGHH, what a compliment Elizabeth! ''lush and hypnotic and rich like grave dirt''❤️❤️❤️🥲 Thank you, I'm hoping it's something people come back to and find more meaning each time they do 🖤
My God this is great writing!
Thank you so much! The kind words keep me going 🖤
Deliciously dark and hopelessly romantic, just the kind of thing I want to bathe myself in 🥀
Alicia thank you! I’m imagining a milky bath with rosewater, essential oils and petals 🖤🥀
yesss this is the vibe 🤤
You have a great talent! Thx
Thank you Phil! That's very kind. 🌸
Beautifully written. Masterful imagery. "Our knives were thin as swan bones" (I LOVE this line) Always enjoy reading your work. You never disappoint.
Huge compliment coming from you!! Always love seeing what spoke to you most, thank you for this and for reading ❤️ Very grateful ❤️❤️
Absolutely! Always here to support!
I really loved the imagery and storytelling of this poem - gorgeous! If you are open to a bit of feedback, I think it would be even more powerful if you had used some kind of meter - probably iambic would be best - to give the lines more rhythm and weight. We listen to poems as much as we read / visualise them. If we take the first line: "We were not born. We began." - A very slight tweak, "We were not born. But we began" gives it a sudden music and emphasis that strikes the mind as pleasing, and also makes it more pacy. However, I'm aware that not all poets or readers enjoy traditional techniques, so it may simply be my personal preference. It just struck me that the poem would be enhanced even further! Great work either way. Keep it up!
Thank you so much, Joseph! I really appreciate the care in this feedback. ❤️ I tend to lean toward a fractured rhythm because I want the language to feel unsettling, I guess here I was experimenting with the sensation and panic of being buried alive and trying to replicate that in the rhythm. Can't say I managed to achieve this, but I tried 😂🖤 But I do like what you pointed out, it has me curious about experimenting with meter in future pieces. 🥰
The effects of the broken rhythm are really palpable. Definitely claustrophobic! It's so cool and ambitious you went for such a mimetic effect. I'd LOVE to see you experiment with meter in future though! Amazing work and thanks so much for replying too!
Thank YOU so much for the feedback, it's truly appreciated🖤
Beautiful writing
Thank you so much for appreciating it Luz! 🖤
YESSSSS I love me some sapphic gothic vampiric lovers!! The imagery, the atmosphere, so decadent and lush. AS ALWAYS🖤🖤🖤
Ahhhh Coral!! This comment made my cheeks hurt🖤 sapphic gothic vampire love will always have my heart...endless, decadent, feral. I love knowing the atmosphere speaks to you every time. Thank you for always being here for it. ❤️❤️🥲